I’ve been gone a while. Have you noticed? I have a few very good friends that have subtly been reminding me of my absence in the blogging world. It’s good to have friends like them. I dipped my toes in the blogging waters, and true to form for me, jerked my foot out of the cold water and ran the other way. That may be a slightly exaggerated way of putting it, but it accurately describes my short time in this arena. As I sit here, trying to decide how best to describe my reasons for stepping back a bit, I realize the biggest reason is fear. There are many “excuses”, but they all come back to fear. Ridicule, confrontation, self-doubt, and change are highest on my list of fears. Change, though may be the motto for my year. Life in this household has changed more in the past year than in all the years we’ve been raising children. The real raw truth? I have spent most of it an emotional wreck. I recently read an article that encouraged writers to stop writing in a season such as this. Those words hit home. That is exactly what I had done, without even realizing it. I needed to muddle through this season a bit, with my waders on, before I could be an encouragement to anyone else. Believe me, if I had kept writing, you all would’ve lost faith in me (and possibly my sanity) as well. Yesterday, I went back and read some of my (very few) posts. Whew. I should’ve read those earlier. Maybe, possibly, God was preparing me for what was around the corner. Before you go thinking that my “well-behaved little angels” have turned rogue, I should clarify that they haven’t. As mentioned before, change is hard. Children grow up. This involves vast amounts of change. Motherhood isn’t just what I do, it’s who I am. When the sand in the hourglass of childhood started running out, I tried to catch it in my hands. I just wanted to hold it a little longer. Silly notion, right? Without turning this into a “poor me, baby” story, let’s just say this, it wasn’t pretty. My dear sweet farmer reminds me often Who I need to rely on…from where my strength should come.
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
It has taken a bit for the Lord to shake me from the place I was in. He uses the kind words of sweet friends, places the right people in my path, gives strength to my farmer, and shows me the need of others to steer me when I need it. I can’t promise that this blog is going to be hopping with activity, or that the direction it goes will be the same as when it started. I do know there is light gleaming at the end of this season’s tunnel. I ask for your patience and prayer as I meander towards it.
I also wanted to share this song with you. The words spoke to me and have become my anthem. I hope they can be reassuring to you, as well.